Jennifer LytleEmotionally disconnected marriage?
Read this post on MomJunction featuring expert insight from Jennifer Lytle, LMFT.
Emotionally disconnected marriage relationships can be devestating and draining. Often, one partner is “spinning their wheels” while the other one is either having a “pity party” or “the blame game” . . . at least that is what appears to be the case from a superficial (and one might argue, incomplete) assessment.
Meet Jill and Joe. They came for counseling after thirty years of marriage, two beautiful adult children, and ongoing emotional disconnect. While they had enjoyed some financial success, were connected to a robust community of friends and family, their relationship was unsatisfying and at times, tumultous. Jill had a lot of excuses for unkind behaviors. Some of these included (understandably) expectations Joe failed to meet. Joe was the instigator, organizer, and primary participant in what was supposed to be marriage counseling. When Jill refused to show up, Joe kept his appointments. Joe was willing to drive up to an hour for in-person appointments, but after trying it one time, Jill declined future in-person sessions. Riding in the car with her husband was stressful. While Joe appeared to be the one who was trying, Jill was still recovering from chronic physical pain on top of unresolved family-of-origin (FOO) dysfunction and accompaned Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES). Joe had a tendency to minimize Jill’s physical pain and had failed to understand her FOO dysfunction. It seemed he wanted to “just get on with” their “blessed” life. Jill felt alone. Joe felt alone. What’s worse? They were alone!
How can a couple recover from emotional disconnect after years?
Aside from an expert relationship therapist . . .
A simple Q&A session for each party (completed independently) can support anchor and map out the landscape of the relationship. To get you started:
- What do I really want? Like, if I go right from where I am today and anything was possible, what is it that I really want out of and in life?
- What are my boundaries? Where is my limit?
- Is there anything I need to release?
- Am I taking care of me?
Emotional disconnect can be a common issue for couples. There is a way forward when both parties are willing to open up to owning their part in the problem and make changes in their behavior from a centric vantage (i.e. not concerned with their partner taking accountability or making behavioral changes).
Need more relationship support? Counselors at Joyful Journeys Counseling are skilled at supporting conflicted couples, blended families, and co-parents. Schedule your free phone consultation today.
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