Jennifer LytleEditor & Co-Author: Jennifer Lytle
Co-Author: Leslie Campos
You’re navigating the wreckage of a marriage that once promised forever. In the middle of it all, there’s a teenager watching both of you closely. She’s trying to figure out her place and find solid ground in the midst of the ongoing change. This isn’t just about custody schedules and missed birthdays. It’s about helping your teen grow into someone who can trust their ability to navigate change and even conflict. Confidence can be cultivated with cooperative co-parenting. Here are eight considerations when co-parenting after divorce.
1. The Golden Rule
You don’t have to be best friends with your co-parent to speak about them with consideration. Promote a narrative for your teen about acceptance, grace, and peace. Choosing kindness, at best, and respect at minimum, sends a message that you are resilient and reliable. This offers a mirror for your child to do and be the same. Whether you still have love for your teen’s co-parent or are still working through negative emotions, remember the golden rule. Instead of silence, express that you’re committed to talking if and when you have something kind to share. Here are a few gentle ways to communicate this.
- Change the subject.
- “Did you hear that train last night? I couldn’t go back to sleep.”
- Excuse yourself from the room briefly.
- “I need to grab my wallet.”
- “I’ll be right back.”
- Excuse yourself from the conversation.
- “I don’t have anything to add.”
- Separate yourself from the co-parent.
- “I can’t control that. That’s between you and your dad/mom. Let me know if you need ideas to talk to him/her.”
- “You are with me every Wednesday. I can rely on that.”
2. Rhythm Over Rules
Children and teenagers need stability through structure, predictable calendared routines, and advance communication about changes. Check-ins, predictable transitions, and shared rituals can anchor your teen daughter’s world. When both households echo the same cadence, it becomes easier for teens to find their own rhythm within it.
While this is ideal, it is often unlikely in many divorced families. When it’s not possible to co-parent with similar rhythms, remember, that’s okay. Do your part in your home to instill confidence that she can expect a rhythm when she is with you. Sometimes, it can become a point of contention when rules are different between homes. Assuming your home has more expectations; these suggestions help communicate your position with respect and clarity while remaining open to your teen daughter.
- Acknowledge their position
- “It can be hard dealing with two different homes.”
- Assert the rhythms you know are positive.
- “I know we have a (curfew, rule for electronics, homework time).”
- Allow and lobby for dialogue about the differences.
- “Let’s talk tonight after dinner about our family expectations. Will you help me figure out what works best for us both?”
3. Let Teens Have Their Own Narrative
Teens are building their story, and they deserve to have their vantage. Resist putting them in the middle or asking them to choose sides. Listen when she wants to tell you how it all feels and felt to her. Your pain surrounding the divorce is your pain. Allow your teen to have had a different experience and resist the temptation to expose your co-parents worst moments. Why? The last thing you want to do for your teen is to remove her connections, her community, and her sense of self. Tearing down your co-parent is harmful to your teen. Respectful replies can help support your composure and respectability. This is turn promotes stability within your teen.
- “It’s different for you and me. That’s okay.”
- “There’s a lot that happened. I want you to be a kid! You don’t need to know all of the details right now.”
- “We can talk more when you are older if you want. For now, just now that I made the decision I thought was best.”
- “I love you and always will.”
- “It’s okay if you remember it differently than I do. That makes sense.”
- “I want you to focus on school, friends, and fun as a kid. This only happens for a little while! I’ve got the rest.”
- “Can you trust me to manage this (that) part?”
4. Teaching calm in the chaos
When teens face high-pressure choices, it’s tempting to jump in and steer, but real growth happens when they’re coached to pause and think. Support her decision making. You can help them break the panic loop with JJC’s Free Everyday Therapy. Limit her options or help her to narrow them down. Set a time limit for structure without overwhelm.
5. Staying united in the messy middle
There will be disagreements—about curfews, grades, who’s paying for the new sneakers—but your teen needs to witness that the two of you can figure things out without tearing each other down. Present a united front when possible. This does not mean total agreement on everything. That doesn’t happen within intact families! Commit to the process of figuring it out, together if/when possible, without undermining each other. Teens are quick to spot cracks in the foundation, and they’ll test those pressure points. When you show up in chaos with composure, it gives your teen a blueprint for handling conflict herself.
6. Celebrating Growth, Not Just Achievement
It’s easy to get caught up in milestones: the GPA, the college acceptance, the trophy. But teens need you to notice the quieter victories—how they handled rejection with maturity, how they stood up for someone else, how they asked for help when it wasn’t easy. Both parents acknowledging these wins, even in separate households, amplifies their meaning. Confidence is built in those little moments when someone says, “I saw that—and I’m proud of you.”
7. Knowing When to Bring in Support
Sometimes the road ahead feels too murky to navigate alone. That’s where outside support matters—not just for your teen, but for both of you as co-parents. Working with a professional counselor can reframe the emotional landscape. Expect strategies that speak directly to your teen’s developmental needs and emotional realities. Families learn how to promote healing instead of harboring silent resentments with expert and compassionate guidance with professionals at Joyful Journeys Counseling.
8. Expect Mistakes & Missteps
Expect imperfection. Mistakes, gross mishaps, negligence, and oversights…while we often play the game, “Never would I ever,” we can expect that somewhere, someone is going to blow it somehow. Whether it is your teen’s co-parent or your teen herself.
It’s the underlying theme of Lytle’s (2025) #1 International Bestselling Anthology on parenting.
Grace is remembering that none of this has to be perfect to be good. When you model forgiveness and flexibility, your teen doesn’t just learn how to handle you—they learn how to handle themselves.
You’re not raising a perfect child in a perfect home—you’re raising a real person in a complicated world. Co-parenting after divorce is never easy. Being intentional requires courage, patience, and a willingness to grow right alongside your teen. And parenting experts worldwide will tell you that’s the real gold of the whole thing. We, parents, are meant to transform. Parenting leaves you better than you started. Row on, warrior!
Do you need help navigating co-parenting? Does your teen want a neutral place to sort through all the changes? Embark on a journey towards inner healing with a skilled professional at Joyful Journeys Counseling. You will find compassionate care and a solution-focused approach. With support, you can face the challenges of divorce, co-parenting, and teenager development of emotional regulation.
